On Gym Etiquette…

With the arrival of Winter term came the arrival of new (at least to me) athletic or “coaching” assignments. As many of you know, I have zero coaching experience, and though I enjoy watching and playing sports, I’m not the guy you want coaching your kids at hockey or basketball. I do lift, however, and thus I became “co-coach” of Rec. Weightlifting. My co-coach is an older gentleman who “lifts” as well, we’ll call him Moses. At the beginning of the term, when the kids were signing up for athletics many of the boys came to me asking me about Rec. Weightlifting as they had heard that I would be the coach. When I informed them that Moses was also coaching, the look of shock on their faces was priceless. “Mr. Moses? Really? He lifts? But he’s so…old!” Yeah, that’s what I thought too, but hey the guy gets in there every day and does his thing, so more power to him. 

Rec. Weightlifting is open to juniors and seniors only, and is mostly full of the same sort of jock-Bifs who say that they are “training” for their spring sport. Here at least, they actually get something out of the activity, and with the exception of the lazy-ass track athletes, they work pretty well in there. My job as a “coach” is pretty minimal however. I helped a few kids write some basic fitness routines and occasionally give pointers to others on technique or exercises that will work a particular muscle group better for them. The good part is that I’m forced to be in the gym 5 days a week getting my lift on.

I’ve been lifting for a few years now, thanks to my boy Isaac’s needing a lifting partner back in college. I learned a lot from him, but I’m no Ronnie Coleman by any means. I putt along and I’m getting stronger by the day, but I am not, and have no desire to be, a bodybuilder (a powerlifter maybe, but not a bodybuilder). That said, there are definitely boys in that gym who can outlift me. I was not surprised to see this at all, but they are constantly trying to show off how much they can lift. There are times when I’m ashamed to be a male, just because of what teenage boys do. This program has kids from all levels in it; from boys who can bench 275lbs to boys for whom the 45lb bar alone is a challenge.

This brings me to the original point of this post: gym etiquette. One of the things that Isaac taught me from the beginning, and one of the things that I’m most grateful for, is how to behave properly in the gym. When I started working out with him, I knew virtually nothing about lifting, but Isaac taught me the basics, both of how to lift, and how not to be a dick in the gym.

Here are my top 5 pet peeves in the gym (in no particular order):

1. People who do not rack their weights when they are done with them. This is a colossal pain in my ass. When people are finished with weights, they should strip any barbells, return the plates to the rack, and return any dumbbells to their rack. This way, people don’t have to mess around with asking the people around them if they are done with a particular piece of equipment, as it will be obvious to them whether or not it is indeed in use. Also, one should put things back where they should be. Nothing pisses me off more than going to the dumbbell rack and having to hunt for the other 55lb dumbbell, because some moron put the weights back in the wrong order. Rage.

2. Loud noises. There is no need for hooting and hollering in the gym. Encourage your partner, but do it at a reasonable volume. It throws off other people’s rhythm when you count aloud, shout encouragement at the top of your lungs, or otherwise make an ass out of yourself.

3. Slamming of weights. One should generally try to avoid dropping dumbbells to the floor or slamming barbells into racks, unless there is an imminent danger of injury. True, this falls under the category of loud noises, but I’ve included it separately here for the reason that it damages the equipment. Dropping dumbbells loosens them, thus making them rattle and liable to fall apart at any given time.

4. Bragging/showing off. This is a predominately male trait, and is pretty much par for the course, but I dislike it all the same. There is no need to be flexing in mirrors, comparing your biceps to another’s, or generally doing things solely to impress other people. Let your lifts be impressive, not your words. No matter how big you think you are, there is always someone bigger. Always. If you want to impress people, lift big weight and leave the flexing for the bathroom.

5. Lounging around the gym. Granted, everyone lifts at their own pace, but just because a machine has a seat on it, doesn’t mean that it is there for you to have a leisurely conversation with your friends. If you want to talk, do it in the locker room, or better yet, in the parking lot where others aren’t forced to listen to your inane jabbering. If you’re not actively lifting or resting for a reasonable amount between sets, you’re taking up space for someone who actually wants to physically better themselves.

That said, there are plenty of boys in that gym, who I would like to strangle with a wrist-wrap on a daily basis. Probably the biggest Bif move that I see in the gym is to leave weights on a bar or machine, assuming that “Anybody can do at least that!” This notion is crap. Leaving 135lbs on a bench is just rude. There are plenty of kids in that gym who struggle with 95lbs; besides, they need to be taught that someday they might be lifting in a gym with women, who generally (although there are definitely exceptions) cannot lift as much as men do. Frankly, to leave a bar full of weight for them to strip before they can lift is a dick move. Many machines are also used for more than one exercise, (using a leg press machine to work calves for example) and thus the weight should be stripped for that reason alone. I’m trying to teach these boys the proper way to use a gym (at least the way that I was taught), but their inherent Bif-ness may cause me to injure them before the lesson is completely learned. We’ll see.